Vaulnerability Mismanagement™
We catalogue issues by priority color and file expensive reports. Patching optional.
We Guarantee Everything — And Deliver Nothing.
Enterprise-ready theater for risk, compliance and stakeholder reassurance. Armchair monitoring, vaulnerability mismanagement, and incandecant response — polished with charts and meaningless metrics.
Curated Services
Packaged illusions and evergreen roadmaps.
Armchair Monitoring™
Weekly dashboard reviews and premium nodding.
Incandecant Response™
Bright alerts, brief action, swift invoice.
Holistic SIEM Guesswork
Correlation by coincidence, triage by emoji.
Quantum Breach Advisory
Threats predicted in alternate timelines.
Governance Risk Compensation
We offset compliance risk via premium invoices.
Our Leadership
Professionally uncanny — teeth, smiles and corporate titles.
Chad Compliance
Chief Executive Obfuscator. Chad has 25 years of experience appearing to deliver value while avoiding measurable outcomes.
Felicia Forecast
Chief Fee Optimization Officer. Felicia pioneered the double-invoice model.
Ivan Incident
Chief Incandecant Security Officer. Famous for colorful dashboards and zero prevented incidents.
Oliver Outage
GM of Ops — General Manager of Downtime. Optimizer of planned outages.
Tina Trendword
VP of Buzzword Innovation. Creator of SOCaaSaaP™.
Derek Datahole
Principal Exploration Scientist of Lost Logs. Finds creative ways to lose data.
Erica Earful
VP of Exfiltration. Large ears, larger oversight gaps.
Neil Noseless
Chief Optimism Officer. Nose optional, optimism mandatory.
Pricing
Basic Exploitable
$9,999 / month — Minimal security, maximum exposure.
Enterprise Misfire
$49,999 / month — Includes chaos and hidden fees.
Government Catastrophe
$999,999 / month — National-scale breakdown.
Contact
Email us at sales@sock.co.nz or sales@sock.nz. Other departments: partners@, investors@, careers@ on both domains.
Email: “I want to be you”